Trust & Control
Grace has brought us safe thus far and grace will lead us home. Amazing Grace.
We’re looking for homes in our new city with growing panic. Of the 9 we’ve toured not one warrants a second look. Super out of date or super out of price range. We feel we’re reasonable people who don’t require a McMansion and we’re willing to work to do some updates, but nothing fits with our vision of home.
So we’re praying and I hope you’ll pray for us too. We know God called us here, to this new job opportunity for my husband and new community for our family. We know that God will certainly bring us to a new home. But in the meantime….we’re disappointed, panicked, sad.
My sister, a youth director, and her boss, a pastor, clashed recently about a mission trip to Mexico. He micro manages by his own admission. She refuses to worry about unforeseen conflicts for this July trip when it is, after all, only March. She has things planned out: contingencies covered, transportation & lodging arrangements made, volunteers, chaperones, Bible studies, prayer partners, funding + fund raisers. He is worried that she isn’t worried and suggested she is, “Putting the Lord to the test!”
I mention this incident because I’m riding a fine line of trust and control. I believe I’m gifted by God to make reasonable judgements, decisions, plans, etc. But I also believe that God’s plans (Jer. 29:11) supercede anything I create. I’ve felt God’s calling and I feel God with me now. But more than anything my sinful self longs to lash out against God, to rail for the discomfort I’m in during this process. At this moment I don’t feel like trust, I feel like tirade!
I ‘m resisting with all my strength. At the end of this journey will be the perfect home for us and all this will be worth it. Right now I’m hanging by a thread!
Abiding Lord Jesus, touch my heart and mind. Raise my eyes to you. Keep me focused on your love, your grace, your plan. Help me trust the time it takes to lead us home. Amen
